3 Steps to Carry Your Baggage Like a Badass
We all have baggage.
It might come in different forms for each of us – anxieties, areas in which we’re weak or behind, or past events that we’re ashamed of.
But it’s always there; our very own brand of poison.
Of course, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we’re unique in this. That we’re alone in our suffering. But we aren’t.
It just feels that way because each of us spends all of our time in our own head and zero time in anyone else's. Your problems seem larger or more abundant because you have to deal with them 24/7. Conversely, you’re only briefly exposed to other people’s problems in moments where they choose to be open about them.
Personally, I find this to be a comforting idea.
My problems suddenly feel far less serious when I remind myself that everybody else in the room has something similar to contend with. In some cases, it might even be a near-identical challenge to my own.
But this raises an important point: if all of us have these kinds of problems, then that means the badasses you look up to do as well.
Which begs the question – how do they handle it? What are they doing differently that we can learn from?
Learning to Carry Your Baggage
It’s obvious that baggage can be a poison if not handled correctly.
I’m sure we’ve all met people who were unable to move past a mistake they made, instead insisting on shifting the blame everywhere but themselves. Likewise, there are many people out there who have been unable to move past a breakup or the loss of a loved one.
And hell, if any of that’s happened to you, that’s okay. Part of being a badass is learning to overcome those problems. Learning to own and carry your baggage with integrity is part of the process.
You can’t escape your past by running from it or trying to justify past actions. But you can begin to move beyond it by accepting things for what they are.
Acceptance
One of the most important principles behind owning your baggage is simple – acceptance.
If you’re trapped trying to rebel against something or you’re in denial about it, no progress can be made.
Badasses avoid this by developing self-awareness and the ability to accurately assess situations. It’s these skills that will allow you to analyse and accept your life for what it is, both the events that have happened in the past and the tendencies that show themselves in the present.
Working on these and moving to a place where you can accept your baggage for what it is will allow for progression to the next step.
Sharing and the Removal of Shame
Although it might seem counterintuitive and incredibly uncomfortable, the best way to overcome shame is to talk about the thing that has you feeling ashamed.
After all, we feel shame towards things and hide them away because we’re afraid of other people's judgement. That fear can only be removed by exposing ourselves to others and realising that it’s either:
Not as big of a deal as we thought – people won’t judge you and might even sympathise.
As big of a deal as we thought – people will judge you but you’ll still be alive and ultimately be okay anyway.
Unless you murdered a puppy or something, 99% of shameful problems will fall into the first category. People won’t be anywhere near as judgemental about it as you’re expecting. In fact, you’ll probably be surprised by how many people can actually relate to what you’re ashamed about, either because they’ve gone through something similar or because somebody close to them has.
With all of this being said, we all know talking about this stuff can be difficult. If getting started feels insurmountable, then I recommend finding a good psychologist. They’ll provide judgement-free space and plenty of prompts to kick off the difficult conversations.
However, I want to stress that a psychologist would be a starting point only. If you really want to stop feeling ashamed about something, you’ll need to expose it to more people and get a range of reactions.
It’s tough but ultimately worthwhile.
Move Forward
Getting on with your life doesn’t need to be complicated. Start by asking yourself what actions you could take to start overcoming what’s been holding you back.
Maybe you need to completely remove yourself from a situation. Our environments have a powerful influence on us, and often a simple environmental change is all you need to begin creating new patterns of thought and behaviour.
Alternatively, maybe it’s something that would be best handled through deliberate exposure – confronting the source and attempting to create new patterns or new ways of handling it.
You’ll most likely have an intuitive understanding of how things need to change as you move forward. And hey, if you don’t then the psychologist from the previous step will be able to point you in the right direction.
How to Own Your Baggage the Right Way – Vinland Saga
One of my favourite fictional examples of overcoming baggage comes from viking anime, Vinland Saga.
For some context, the story follows a young boy named Thorfinn who, after the untimely death of his father, falls into a life of war. As the story progresses, we watch him grow up into an angry vengeful teenager, and then eventually, into an emotionless adult who’s ashamed of everything he’s done. Due to this shame, he’s become empty, aimless, and has given up on life as a form of self-judgement.
Fortunately, certain events begin to knock him out of his prison, which ultimately leads up to this epiphany moment in one of his dreams. Watch the video to see what I mean.
After this point, Thorfinn begins to change. First, by becoming happier and more lively, and second, by gradually becoming more open and matter-of-fact about the sins of his past. They no longer have power over him and he figures out how to move forward.
He becomes someone who’s open about his mistakes but also filled with conviction about how he plans to make up for them.
Pretty badass, right? Use it as inspiration. Work to accept your baggage and then think about what you could do to start climbing. That’s your battle.